After three months...

Almost three months had passed since the day we parted.

I can say I'm doing ok. But sometimes I just cant help but think about what really happened to us. I can honestly say that I miss you and I miss the stuff we did together. I think of you often and I wonder how you're doing. But our relationship wasn't perfect. We often fought before, we said things we don't really mean, we hurt each other. But the difference between you and me is you decided that we are better off without each other. That we will just hurt each other in the long run, that's why you let go of me. Even if i was willing to make it work, you said you don't want a relationship with me anymore, because i hurt you real bad.

Well, I'm fine with that now. And I'm doing well on my own. You said you're doing fine yourself, and that you're happy now because you're single right now. But you know what? By saying that you made me feel bad, because I felt that all those times we were together, all i did was hurt you. It was like you were never happy when you were with me. It's like I'm this horrible person who only thought of myself while we were together. Did I really not think about how you would feel during that time? If that's how you feel maybe we're really better off without each other.

But somehow, even if you made me feel unwanted/ not worthy of love, I still want to thank you. Yes, I'll admit, my self-esteem went down a notch (because you rejected me). I also questioned myself a million of times if I was really horrible. But I want to thank you because you showed me that I should not just settle for anyone anymore. I realized that I'm worthy of love, of real love. I deserve a person who will not just love me because I'm nice and good, but also because I'm mean and bad. I deserve a person who will stay with me even if I push him away, who'll be with me even if I'm super crazy, and still love me because I'm all that. I deserve a person who will understand me and put me above his needs, because I'm worth it. And because that's also what I'll do for the person I love.

Right now, I'm ok being single. Not particularly happy, but I'm getting there. But don't get me wrong, I'm not ok because I'm free of you, but I'm ok because I'm getting to know myself better. The things I want are clearer to me now. I'm not in a hurry, because I know the right time will come when love will find me again, and when that time comes, I'll be ready.